Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
