dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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