he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
