The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
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