Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
