Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
it's like heaven, but drunker
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize
