Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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