Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
