I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
just come out here and I will go home with you...
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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