if i can run in heels then i can drive
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
