Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
