One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
