all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
