the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
