My friends, they love my intelligence
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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