Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
