You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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