i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
