Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize