those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
