And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
