i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
