My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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