I'm going to rape someone's good day.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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