I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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