Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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