I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
