Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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