The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
