Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
