Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
