My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
