I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
where are my eyebrows?
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