Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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