My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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