i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
