im drinking this country out of the recession.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
