DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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