I wish my penis had an off switch
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Randomize
