I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
