I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We are two peas in an std pod
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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