what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
