he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Barsexuality is the new black.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
