How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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