he puts the penis in happiness.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
