I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
