Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
