and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
