guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
