Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
