those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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