is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
