I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
