just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
